Saturday, 28 January 2012

A Whole Lotta Faux Pas

I know you're not "supposed" to wear the same dress to multiple events, but I went to a wedding in October, in Canada, and another wedding in January, in England. The guest-crossover-potential was minimal. But I have to confess my fashion faux-pas, in order to show you this picture, since I didn't take a full-length shot of us at the wedding last weekend, because I didn't take many photos, because I'm kinda dumb.
 So it's a really pretty dress, and while not short-short, it's still mid-thigh on me. This is important for you to know, because I have to share the real story of Jonathan & Emma Squires wedding. Well, the real story for me.

Our hotel was just up the road 'from Pembroke Lodge, where the wedding & reception were held. The receptionist told us it was 15 minutes walk. No worries - we had arrived at the hotel at 2 pm and the wedding was at 4 pm, so we had tons of time. But then as we were checking in, the receptionist asked if we'd made a reservation at the hotel restaurant - I told her we wouldn't be eating there as we were on our way to a wedding. She replied, "No Mrs. Hawkeye, for your cream tea and sparkling wine. It is included in your booking package." Sah-weeeet!! When I had made the booking, I found a package deal, and hadn't read the details - only the final price, which was cheaper than just a room. So we had scones with cream and jam, some coffee & tea, and sparkling wine while we got ready! For those of you who are uninitiated to the wonderfulness that is cream tea, here is what it looks like:  Sooooooo yummy!

Obviously we were a little slower than expected at getting ready, but we were all set by about 3:15pm. Plenty of time . . . oh, waitasec:
Georgina: "Matthew, you have some cash, right?"
Matthew: ". . . "

So we had to bust it to the nearest cash machine, (aka "cash point" in England - seriously, does "cash machine" really need to be explained? Yes, yes it does.) which was obviously in a pub, and it was 5 doors down in the opposite direction. I was wearing stilettos, which I never do anymore since I ride a bike and take care of a toddler. (Speaking of which, they should really change the name from 'toddler' to 'runner' because I think the toddling stage lasts about . . . 2 weeks? Maybe 3? And then after that, they are so fast. But I digress...) I made Matthew walk-run to the pub since I was too slow on the cobblestones (!) to keep up with him. We got the money, and then started the walk back past the hotel, towards Richmond Park Gate.

There were two roundabouts between us and the gate, and we somehow had to cross through both of them to get to the right side of the road - I don't really know how we managed to do that. And in England, pedestrians do not have the right-of-way, and cars will hit you. So we did the Frogger, and it felt like it took us about 10 minutes just to walk across the street!!

Finally, we made it into the park - I was looking forward to walking on regular pavement instead of cobblestone. Oh snap! How about an actual trail path instead? And by this time, it was about 3:45pm. So I start doing the girly "my-feet-are-already-killing-me-in-these-high-heels" run, and Matthew does the manly "my-shoes-are-fine" walk, and then boom! We see the bride going past in the Rolls Royce!! I start to legitimately freak out that we are going to miss this wedding.

So we did what we had to do: I made Matthew, in his suit, piggy-back me, and actually run. Like he was a horse. Yes, yes I did. My poor husband. And, now that you know how short my dress was, you understand that I could only hold onto him with one arm, because the other was trying in vain to pull my jacket & dress over my bottom, as we bounced along the trail towards the Lodge. It was, quite honestly, a terrible combination of awesome and atrocious. There were cyclists and runners passing us, laughing (as they should), and one said, 'You're late, you're late, for a very important date!" I should have asked him to double us to the Lodge. . .

Matthew ran for quite a distance, but the cream tea and sparkling wine were also bouncing fairly heavily in his belly.  I thought we were close enough for me to walk. Wrong! It was 3:55pm, and this stinking Lodge was doing that thing that happens in dreams: You keep moving towards something but yet never seem to get any closer. So I took off my shoes, and we actually ran. Full speed. In our nice clothes. We are a classy pair, us Hawkeyes. But we got there, at 3:58 pm!!

We sat down - in the last row, and the only 2 remaining seats in the Lodge - and tried hard not to breathe too heavily. . . And then, the service didn't even start until 4:20pm!!! I guess they were taking photos or something beforehand. This was great, because we got a chance to cool down and calm down, and let that sparkling wine settle back down. Also, I was able to take an essential photograph - not of the groom, or groomsmen, or the gorgeous view of the park. . . nope, a photo of my foot, complete with dirt and grime from my run through Richmond Park. Please note: these were the cheapest nylons available in Marks & Spencer - and there isn't even a hole or a snag on them!! Amazing!

Well played, Team Hawkeye!!

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